Just two weeks back from maternity leave, I have already hit the road once for a “turn and burn” flight that kept me awake for a full 21 hours, spent two long evenings out networking and re-establishing relations with members of Washington’s vaunted political press corps, and — as a result — asked myself more than once whether my three month old son and three year old daughter are suffering from my absence.

It’s been agonizing and gratifying all at once. And therein lies my dilemma.

Of course mine is by no means an uncommon issue. In fact, thanks to thought leaders like Sheryl Sandberg, Marisa Mayer, and the original glass-ceiling-breaker Hillary Clinton, the question of whether and how working women manage the feat of juggling career and family has evolved into a regular topic around the water-cooler. Some would insist the solution is for women to be more vocal about their needs both on-the-job and in their homes. Others have argued the responsibility rests with everyone in the workplace to create a culture that is more understanding of the challenges of balancing professional and maternal duties. My own views on the issue probably fall somewhere in the gray.

First, let’s consider the actual household dynamic in determining any mother’s ability to “have it all.” Whether working moms are better or worse able to meet the needs of their children and jobs depends so much on whether they have strong support from their life partners, steady and quality childcare, and a family environment that encourages them to indulge in both career and parenting pursuits. Some women, like myself, have great relationships with their own mothers and mothers-in-law and have been able to negotiate “granny day care.” Others have the financial means to hire reliable help. Still others make do with whatever care they can afford to cobble together or resort to the same latchkey kid solution that my brother and I experienced growing up. Whatever the approach, the level of stress a mother faces or the amount of guilt she carries around with her after she leaves for the workday will be directly correlated to the obstacles or support mechanisms she has at home.

The kinds of concessions or accommodations made at work make a difference, too. Mother’s rooms, working spaces with doors that lock, leadership at the top that makes clear family is a value that will be celebrated rather than just tolerated between the hours of 9 and 5 can be real deciding factors. Among others, these conditions can either set the stage for a nursing mom who makes it through the first year providing the best possible nourishment for her child or lead to one who starts off with good intentions but drops off sooner than planned because it was impossible to find the time to make it work. I have the great fortune of being a partner at a firm I helped launch with the power to ensure moms in my company have the basic things we need during the hours we’re away from our little ones. I know not all others have the same latitude. But thanks to the Affordable Care Act and many state laws that now require businesses to make provisions for nursing mothers, the working world is at least moving in a positive direction for women who want to be successful at both career and family.

More broadly, parents need to be able to make our own rules. In my family, my husband and I work hard to support each other and are true partners in raising our kind and intelligent children. It works for us to split our days and have one parent wake the children and the other lay them down to sleep at night — but that doesn’t mean our way of child-rearing is the right way to do it. Parenting has been far more challenging — and rewarding — than anything we have ever done in our lives. Some days we barely make it to bed without having parental mini-meltdowns that mirror our kids. But we make it work. And millions of other working parents do the same. My wish for all of them is to cut themselves some slack and to allow themselves to recognize they’re doing the best they can.

And let’s agree not to judge women who do make the choice to live their jobs. Having ambition, getting ahead in our careers, and being lauded as the best in the business — these things matter just as much to women as they do to men. If women choose not to have children, that decision doesn’t relegate them to being somehow cold or unwomanly. It just means they have taken a path that is their prerogative to take.

At the same time, we shouldn’t pretend that ticking biological clocks and career ambitions are mutually exclusive. I am confident that my ability to let some career opportunities pass me by, regardless of the stakes or the national profile they offered, has only been possible because I spent the first 32 years of my life sweating blood to make a difference at work. Are there specific jobs and dream assignments still on my bucket list? Of course. But having my children set my priorities in life (as opposed to work) in stark relief — and I made deliberate choices to put my family first in the near future. At the same time, I have continued to do meaningful work with the knowledge that there is plenty of living and working still ahead of me. But my priorities are just that: mine. What works for other women is entirely up to them.

Finally, a simple note about career and parenthood: it’s not just a woman’s issue. While I’m writing about these concerns from the perspective of a mom, I’m gratified to see that this generation increasingly sees family as a gender-neutral enterprise. It’s why at 270 Strategies we instituted a parental leave policy that provides 12 weeks of leave to anyone on our team — man, woman, or other — who chooses to take this incredible leap into the abyss. And why I was thrilled to see CNN’s Josh Levs stand up for dads and paternity leave last month in an open letter to sports-talk radio hosts Boomer & Carton and Mike Francesca. In a world where we hear far too often about fathers skipping out on their children or failing to pay child support when relationships fail, we should be applauding dads who not only value their families but are willing to show that they do in the most public and testosterone-centric of arenas.

Ultimately, I have no illusions about being the world’s greatest mom, whether I ever receive a mug to that effect or not. Nor will I be spending my evenings like the childless protagonists from House of Cards smoking cigarettes out a window and plotting my path to power — at least not any time soon. But with Mother’s Day coming up this weekend, Father’s Day coming up next month — and so many moms and dads negotiating these kinds of dynamics — I thought we ought to at least have the discussion.

Lynda Tran, Founding Partner